Casual dating isn’t that much of an old concept. Only in recent years have queries for casual dating appeared on Canadian and international personals sites. Now there are enough to make it necessary to compare them. It’s even become popular and common enough for the movie industry to discover it. Hollywood’s hands have started to make grabs at casual dating. They’ve taken it and turned it into one of many annual romantic comedies, produced, as usual, in Canada. The usual plot? A couple in a casual relationship falls in love despite previous arrangements.
Love isn’t something that always happens in a casual dating arrangement. But despite what the movie making industry wants us to believe, it isn’t impossible either. Have a casual dating platform of choice? There are forum topics on how some user couples found each other with a little help from casual dating.
Sadly (or luckily), life isn’t a romantic comedy. It takes a bit more work to turn casual to romantic. But you aren’t the first person to fall in love with someone you had planned to be only sexually involved with. Take a look at the following tips that have worked for them and could work for you too.
Establish More Regular Contact
This is an obvious point. But since this is about casual dating as well, this can actually prove to be the first hurdle. Some couples that come together on casual dates never see each other again. Since it’s unlikely that you fell in love with her at first sight, at least that shouldn’t be a problem for you. How you met through personals sites isn’t the average Canadian love story. Romance will be the furthest thing from her mind. Due to your arrangement that you’ve come to with her, you’ll only see her when she wants to have sex with you. Love is more than that. It’s your job to start building up on that.
So, start going out on dates before the actual reason she thinks you’re meeting for. At first, you should start small, like meeting her for a drink after work somewhere near one of your places. This gives you room for conversation and getting to know each other better (more on that in the following). It also establishes the date before the date as a ritual for you both. That way, she won’t start wondering when you suggest a more elaborate date, like dinner or a movie or even both. It also subtly signals to her that you enjoy spending time with her.
But at this point, you are not yet in a position to, for example, express jealousy when she has a date with someone else. You still are someone on the side for sex. So be careful of bouts of jealousy in her presence before you can get to the next point:
Carefully Get to Know Each Other
Once you get regular dates, then start establishing the grounds for more familiarity. The sex itself already makes you very familiar with each other. But you barely know anything more about each other’s private lives. This can be a very critical point. Casual dating is all about not sharing and caring. It’s more about satisfying each other’s needs. So, even with the intention get romantic, the normal rules of dating don’t apply.
Your starting point here is the reason why the two of you came together in the first place: sex. Don’t start by asking about general likes and dislikes. Carefully ask about sex-related ones. Many kinks and turn-offs have a personal back-story. So you are getting to know her and have the opportunity to move to other topics without being obvious about it.
As in every conversation, also offer information about yourself. But let her ask for more details when she wants them. Most important, should you hit one of her sore spots and she tells you to back off, do so. Even if you want to help her and show her your support. Accepting her choice to not tell you more as a gesture of respect. You can, of course, offer to lend her an ear, should she want it. But you’re proving that you don’t consider yourself above her. You are treating her as your equal, which, for love, is an important element.
Broaching the Topic of a Romantic Relationship
Love is the last thing on the minds of those comparing Canadian personals sites. They want to find the one where they’ll be the most successful at scoring a sex date. But if you’ve started to get to know the woman you’re having a casual relationship with? Time and patience you can begin to call it a friendship with benefits. You still meet each other to have sex, but there are the beginnings of more and sooner or later she’ll notice as well. It’s possible that she still won’t mention it though, out of worry of ruining the arrangement. For you too, this step is the most critical, because you’re giving your control over the result out of your hands. Admitting your love to someone is always a difficult choice to make.
It’s also possible that there is a sense of more tangible between the two of you in situations outside of sex. Tell her that you feel like there is the potential of more between the two of you and that you wouldn’t be opposed to it. Allow her to make the final choice and try not to put pressure on her. Of course, since your own feelings are on the line, this is easier said than done. If she doesn’t feel pressured, she’ll give you an honest answer. You won’t get hurt in the long run if you find she’s been pretending in an attempt at not wanting to hurt your feelings. Should she need time to get clear about her own feelings, allow her that. Still, even if you love her, don’t let her take forever.
There is no guarantee that these tips will work. It all depends on why she has chosen to date casually. If it’s because she doesn’t want to deny herself sex, then it’s quite likely for this strategy to work. But if it’s because she hardly has any time for more or because she is sick and tired of relationships currently? Then you’ll have a harder time pursuing something romantic. Still, you’ll never know if you don’t try. The fact that you’re trying to find a solution to change your casual hookup to romance is proof she’s worth it.