There are a lot of reasons that women give for not having sex on the first date, and a lot of them have to do with society, and how their reputations would suffer, but a lot of them boil down to the idea that women just don’t feel comfortable being that open with someone they just met. They don’t trust you enough. They don’t trust you not to brag to all your friends and humiliate them, they don’t trust you to be a good lover, or they just don’t want to be that vulnerable.
It follows then that if you’re looking for awesome hookups ASAP, you want to find a way to make women comfortable with you and trust you to be the right call at the end of the night. For this to happen, you need to build up the intimacy between you. Fortunately, there are several easy ways to get the intimacy to build up flowing so that you can set her at ease and have the night of your life.
1. Breach the Topic Barrier
If you browse around a top online dating site, you’ll soon see that people love to say that they like hiking and no one hot wants to talk about politics. The truth here is that maybe 1 in 10 actually like to go hiking and/or go hiking on a regular basis and deserve to have it listed as a hobby. Everyone else thinks that it makes them sound like they’re fit and adventurous, and they like walking around the park with an iced coffee in hand, and that’s basically the same as hauling butt up a mountain. On the other hand, everyone has some sort of political opinion. They just don’t want to share because it’s rude and it might ruin your chances.
Nothing makes you feel closer to someone than sharing secrets with them. Talk to the woman and ask if she’d like to tear down some barriers with you—topically. It’s not considered “cool” to talk about important issues. So instead, make it you and her against the rest of the world. Discuss politics carefully, and make sure that you’re ready to take a moderate stance if you and her opinions disagree. Mention your mother and don’t apologize for it, just make sure you’re not too much of a momma’s boy. Make her feel like a rebel just for having a real conversation with you, and she’s going to feel very intimate indeed.
2. Amp up the Casual Physical Contact
No woman wants you all over her space on the first date, but you can make things more intimate between you with a casual touch. Humans like the feeling of skin-on-skin at a psychological level; it feels very comforting and open. Even if you’re not sending chills down her spine when you put your hand on her arm when she laughs or take her by the elbow to guide her to your seats, you’re still sending her subconscious signals that touching you is alright. You’re not hurting her and nothing bad is happening, so clearly it’s fine for you two to touch.
One way to make sure you don’t cross a boundary is to mirror her touch. If she touches your shoulder, find a way to touch her shoulder. If she leans into you while you walk, put your arm around her waist. Respond to all her overtures but let her set the pace so you’re never accused of being too handsy. You’re just keeping things cooking.
3. Tell Her a Secret
When you’re looking for love or sex on a site like eHarmony.com.au you already know a lot about a woman before you even really go out. The questioners are very detailed and give you a great idea what you’re up against before you hit the movies or the brunch place to meet up. However, getting information about someone you might want to date this way is very sterile. Even someone with a great personality can seem flat and boring if all you have to go one is a stack of multiple choice questions and a profile they wrote themselves. To foster real intimacy and “learn” from her about things you know from her profile, open up with a secret. It doesn’t have to be a big secret, but it can’t be something that doesn’t matter either.
Knowing that someone trusts you is often enough to make you trust them. That’s why giving her a secret is going to make her more inclined to like you and to want to be with you. Also, humans often feel the need to reciprocate trust. Give her a secret and she’s going to feel the urge to share one with you in turn without having to be forced or coerced. You can truly have the best of both worlds with a set up like this.
4. Gossip about Someone Else
There’s nothing like ganging up on a third party to make two people feel like they really connect. If you want a great connection with a fabulous woman all you have to do is find someone not so fabulous to rag on. A great bet here is celebrities since you probably don’t know the same people in your daily lives. If that doesn’t do it, find someone in the crowd or in the restaurant and really let fly on their fashion choices. You’ll both feel bad, but you’ll laugh, and that will bring you closer.
5. Mention Something about Your Childhood
Vulnerability in others makes us want to match it, and mutual vulnerability leads to intimacy, which leads to that connection that helps you wind up in bed. A top tip for online dating site profiles is to generally keep them in the present. Talk about who you are and what you’re doing right now. When you’re actually on the date, bring up the past a little in the form of a cute anecdote and then let it go. Harp on it and she’ll think you have issues, but bring it up just once and you’re going to seem like a sensitive man she could really connect to.
6. Mention Something about an Ex
There’s a really good chance that, by this point in your life, you and the woman you’re dating have both had exes. You didn’t stumble onto eHarmony.com.au and then never go on a date before her. If you’ve had relationships and done awesome things, chances are good that some of your funny stories contain an ex. That’s fine. Just tell the story, call the woman your ex, and move on. Most men are so afraid to mention anyone they’ve dated that how casual you are about it will help you stand out and make it seem like you really are over her.
7. Work as a Team
Teamwork can really bring a couple together. She’ll get to see you working together, and you’ll mesh your mindsets to get a job done. Partnering up at an event or going on a geocaching scavenger hunt is one of the best things you can do together. Online dating site top date ideas don’t include things that are active like this, so find a fun thing, pick a good day, and know that she’s never seen anyone like you online before.