When it comes to dating, you really never know where or who you will end up with. Finding someone through reviews of online dating sites only broadens those possibilities all the more. So when you have to find advice for the specific type of girl you want to date, it becomes a little more difficult than just looking for other people’s opinions on things.
For shy girls especially, the type of information you find and use can make a very big difference. If you aren’t used to dealing with the absent attention of this particular type of social interaction, it can be difficult to figure out what she likes, what she doesn’t, if she is even into you, to begin with. Taking the time to find some help, however, is a positive sign for the success of your relationship.
She Really is not Going to Say Much, at Least at First
As obviously shy as many women can be, for some reason, many men still think she will tell you when something is really important. We cannot be more emphatic when we say to get this thought out of your head. No matter the reason for her shyness, one thing will not change, and that is how she interacts with you. Regardless of importance or immediacy, expecting someone who is shy to start a conversation or speak up at all is only going to fast track you to Kitchener’s bars for a lonely drinking session with the bartender. Instead of looking to the vague advice of strangers used to hearing the woes of the inebriated consider prompting her for thoughts instead.
Remember, just because she is not going to offer her thoughts and feelings right away, does not mean she does not have her own opinions on things. It just means she is less likely to share them outright. It really works in your favor to get in the habit of asking her for her opinion in as neutral of a way as possible. That means not asking her if she is fine, or prompting for the answer you want. It can be very tempting to fall into the trap of just asking for one or two-word answers and leading her into the response you want just to move things along. We get it. It can be frustrating to try and start ever conversation and convince her to give information she would be just as comfortable not giving in the first place.
This really is not how you want things to work out, however. Even if she honestly does not care about the answer to the immediate concern, the fact remains that not asking is eventually going to become a habit. At that point, she won’t give her opinion even if you ask for it, and before you know it, you will end up resenting each other and dealing with passive-aggressive ways of working around conflict instead. Who wants to deal with that?
Learn to Give Her Some Space
For some reason, women are the only people that get the “clingy” rep when it comes to relationships. Just like reviews of online dating sites can tell you which sites are too good to be true, however, we can guarantee that just as many men fall into this category as women. Falling head over heels for someone is not, however, an excuse to never leave their side. While some people like all of the attention, the chances of a shy girl enjoying all of that time taken away from her personal space is so low, it’s really not worth challenging. Remember, shy girls are usually a bit more introverted than their counterparts. That does not mean they cannot or fail at interacting with other people, however. It just means that they would prefer some time on their own more often than other people.
Think of it as a period to recharge. Overall, she is not going to have as much energy for social interactions as a more extroverted individual. What that means for you is that you need to make more plans that center around you and her rather than you and a group, and it means you need to get used to recognizing when her batteries run out. This is part of the reason why shy people often come off as aloof or cold. They do not talk or interact very much and when they do, it usually involves asking someone to leave them around, because they just do not want to do with the social situation any longer.
Always remember that, in most cases, she really is not trying to be rude, but honest. If she needs to leave, she is more likely to just leave than to say anything about it. Shy people do not anticipate people actively looking for their presence, and simply do not want to deal with the situations that follow. So they will remove and prevent themselves from entering into them in the first place.
Be Willing to hold up the Relationship on Your Own
Perhaps the most vexing part of dating a shy girl comes down to the maintenance of the relationship. That is to say, quite often we prefer to rely on our girl to deal with the details of dating each other. As humans, it is very common for us to segment mental responsibilities to those who are better at it than we are, which is why, for example, most of us have that friend that can remember everyone’s names and phone numbers but cannot memorize enough information to pass a biology exam.
What they are good at are the names and numbers, so that is what they instinctively pay attention to. They have someone else to remember the other stuff and tend to suffer for it in the long term. Dating someone is very similar. Someone is going to remember all the family members and new friends. Someone is going to make all the arrangements for meeting up with one another. Someone is going to keep track of the anniversaries.
What we are saying is that when you date a shy girl, you need to be prepared to take on more of this than you might be used to. Spending as much time dragging out her opinions and preferences as you were willing to put into comparing reviews of online dating sites in the first place is just the beginning. While she may have a better memory than you, the fact of the matter is you are going to have to push for a lot of things a lot more frequently than you may be used to.
That means spending time with her in silence and learning as much as you can from short answers as much as it does coaxing the information from her in the first place. It means getting into the stuff she likes on her own so that you can engage her closer to her level because just asking her to introduce you to it does not mean she will go out of her way to continue explaining it. Whatever you are used to doing, do it twice as often and you will start to see what we are talking about.